a few random photos....

Deep, Deep Waters

My heart is heavy and I am feeling broken.

Do you ever have those moments when you are fighting for joy?

When you truly feel as though you could drown in your own tears?

When life as you know it, changes in an instant, without warning?

When things happen that are so far beyond your realm of understanding?

When you're convinced the best option would be to run far away to the mountains in Montana, and never return? :)

When the waves keep pounding over you, until you just....can't....breathe?

When you are certain that you cannot bear one more burden?

When everything in you wants to despair....

but you don't

because you cling to the hope that can only be found through Christ

and you trust in the LORD's lovingkindness and compassion that

never fails....

NEVER.

All of these things have been very real to me in the last couple months through circumstances in my own life and in the lives of people who are near and dear to me. I'm not sure I have one perfect word to sum up life as of late. It's been weird, puzzling, emotional, overhwelming, heartbreaking, challenging, faith testing, and....not what I expected. One thing is for certain, I have grown closer to the Lord Jesus through these trials, and for that I am deeply thankful. His ways are completely beyond me, but I have to trust that He knows what is best for me, even if it hurts to the very core of my heart and makes no sense to me right now. I know there is a plan and purpose for it all and I pray that God will be glorified in it.

On Monday my own personal struggles and heartaches became seemingly insignificant and trivial in my mind and I was faced with something much more difficult to understand. I was brought to my knees when I received a call from one of my best friends. A call that I was expecting to be full of joy and excitement and news that she was in labor. When I heard her voice I knew something was terribly wrong, but nothing could have prepared me for the weight of her words as she told me they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. There are no words sufficient to describe the sorrow I feel for my sweet friend and her husband, and oh how I wish I could bear the pain for them. Today I am feeling numb, and wishing that this was all just a horrible nightmare that we could wake up from. I don't understand it. I can't even begin to try. The only thing I can do is cling to God's promises and rest in the knowledge that He will tenderly care for Tony and Charity and He will pour out His immeasurable love, mercy and peace on them. Through their suffering, I am praying that their marriage will become stronger and they will draw even nearer to the Lord in the dark days ahead. The sorrow I feel as their friend does not even come close to what Tony and Charity are experiencing. I am so thankful that they have a glorious hope and are comforted by the God of all comfort. I look forward to meeting their beautiful baby girl some day in glory.

James 1:2-4 has taken on a whole new meaning and become so much more real for me recently. Charity and I memorized those verses together. I am trying to wrap my mind around what it really means to "consider it all joy". It's tough.

Oh Father, please give us all a peace that surpasses all comprehension.....

we need You so desperately.

Throwing caution to the wind...

This weekend while in Wisconsin, Rachael and Bethany and I decided to go for a walk on frozen Geneva Lake. We were taking pictures, and tackling each other, and throwing snowballs and generally just being dumb. We had noticed a few snowmobiles circling around us, and Bethany thought it would be a great idea to take MY camera and snap some photos of them. This of course did not go unnoticed by one of the snowmobilers and he pulled up right next to us, got off his snowmobile and asked if we'd like to go for a ride. I should also add that as he pulled up next to us, Bethany practically shoved my camera back into my hands. Maybe she thought the guy was going to get upset that she was taking his picture? :) Rachael was the only brave one of us who was willing to get on a snowmobile by herself and take it for a ride. Upon her return the guy asked who wanted to go next, and I, in a moment of pure insanity, or complete carefreeness (not sure which) said "I don't want to drive one, but I will go for a ride!". Looking back on it now I think the safest thing would have been for me to drive one myself because I probably would have only gone about 25 mph! ;) But I had not a care in the world. Nope. I got on the back of a ONE SEATER snowmobile with a man I had just met. I didn't even know his name. He told me to hold on tight, and hold on tight I did. I was clinging for my dear life to this guy. He sped off across the frozen lake, taking the snowmobile up to 100mph and for a second I thought to myself "oh. my. goodness. What if he rides off with me and doesn't take me back?!?" The girls wouldn't know what he looks like because all we could see were his eyes. ha ha. That thought didn't last too long as my mind was soon turned to worrying about keeping my butt on the snowmobile. :) Obviously he did return me safely to the girls and then took Bethany for a ride. :) Also... the guy was married...and probably in his 40's. He must've thought we needed some excitement in our life. We laughed about this for the rest of the day. Yet another fun experience on Geneva Lake. Last time I was on the lake was this past summer, and it involved being out in the boat on really choppy water and dry heaving over the side. ha ha! What's next! Here are a few of the pictures for your viewing pleasure...

Four Months...

.....have passed since I last updated this thing. Good job, Charissa! ha ha. I promise you that I have every intention of blogging about the rest of my trip to Japan. It seems that I misplaced the CD with pictures of Mt. Fuji on it and then the holidays came and went and I still haven't found it! Thankfully, Kristi is sending me a new one, and then I will have no excuse. :)

Until then, I will leave you with this quote I read in Streams In the Desert this morning. It seems fitting for my life right now, and I'm sure for many of you as well.

"Thou hast made waiting beautiful; Thou hast made patience divine. Thou hast taught us that the Father's will may be received just because it is His will. Thou hast revealed to us that a soul may see nothing but sorrow in the cup and yet may refuse to let it go, convinced that the eye of the Father sees further than its own. "